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| Ok, so I did this just for fun. I'm trying to update more.
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1.) Put your music player on shuffle.
2.) Press forward for each question.
3.) Use the song title as the answer to the question.
4.) NO CHEATING
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1. How am I feeling today? "Running" by No Doubt .... interesting...
2. Where will I get married? "Let Me Know" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs -- haha, how fitting
3. What is my best friend's theme song? "Sugar, We're Goin' Down" by Fall Out Boy -- I'd say yes
4. What is/was high school like? "Her Addiction" by Goodman County -- Sidenote: if anything, I was addicted to coffee
5. What is the best thing about me? "All These Things That I've Done" by The Killers -- eerie how this is making sense
6. How is today going to be? "Show Me a Sign" by Kontakt -- so today is still a mystery... nothing new
7. What is in store for next weekend? "Take Our Cars Now!" by Saves the Day -- no one touches my car!
8. What song describes my parents? "Stricken" by Disturbed -- haha, how true!
9. How is my life going? "Feel Good Inc." by Gorillaz
10. How does the world see me? "Bug Eyes" by Dredg -- yuck! NO
11. What do my friends really think of me? "Born on the Bayou" by Creedence Clearwater Revival -- no idea
12. How can I make myself happy? "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls -- isn't this song kind of sad? I don't remember
13. What should I do with my life? "Ohio (Come Back to Texas)" by Bowling for Soup -- Texas or BUST!
14. Will I ever have children? "No Thang on Me" by Snoop Dogg ft. Bootsy Collins -- hmm... not sure how to take this... lol
15. What is some good advice? "When I Grow Up" by Garbage
16. What do I think my current theme song is? "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5 --- maybe! ;)
17. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? "Pain" by Jimmy Eat World -- ouch
18. What type of men do I like? "Listen to Your Heart" by D.H.T. --- that's uncanny
19. Will I get married? "Everything is Alright" by Motion City Soundtrack -- we hope
20. What should I do with my love life? "Hips Don't Lie (featuring Wyclef Jean)" by Shakira --oooh, nice!
21. What's sex like? "Death of Seasons" by A.F.I. -- that's just plain disturbing
22. Where will I live? "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something
23. What will my dying words be? "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts -- ironic
So yeah, some of those didn't really make much sense, but I thought it'd be fun anyways.
In other news, I started my summer job today. 8 to 5, Monday thru Friday!
Take care, everyone!
~Emily
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| Good News: Exams = over
I'm officially home for summer. I moved out four hours late yesterday from Riverside, but better late than never, right? Next fall, I'll be back in North---first floor this time.
Alright, so in the past 12 months sooo much has happened. I can't remember where I was actually at this point last year. I hadn't even graduated from high school. Who remembers high school these days? The only things I occasionally think about from that time are the nights I spent out with the Clique. Breaking the law, the ToD games, David's grandma's trailer, Mr. Bentley's, speeding on the back roads, the fishbowl... It's hard for me to accept sometimes that it's all dead. We all fell apart.
Last summer, too. I started out with the crazy night at Bethany's... 5 ppl, 2 legal. You know how it goes. Looking back, what was I thinking?
We went on a cruise too. Cozumel seems so far away. I couldn't really be free either. The people who went were not me. They were those type people you talk to a lot, but they would never understand you, nor want to understand you. They have their own lives in which they star, and everyone else just conforms. I can't be like that.
I went to orientation at Alabama after the cruise. I remember being so scared. I'm not really sure why I was afraid... the most I can gather is that I realized I was changing, growing in a new and different direction than my old life. I didn't really take orientation too seriously. I was more concerned with what came next.
Europe. The single best trip of my life. Sometimes, when I get upset, I think about flying over the Atlantic ocean. I stared out the window on that trip for the longest time, my mind completely blank. I loved the thought of everything below me passing by without me touching it. Does that make sense? Europe was exactly what I needed right before leaving home. I didn't really know anyone... and I smile every now and then when I think about the things we did and the places we went. It was freedom to me. About two weeks ago, I found out that one of the people I went to Europe with passed away.
For the past month, I've been trying to understand if, why, and what my problem is, if I have one at all. I find myself attaching myself to people emotionally--- and it's always the people I don't need to. The people who care the least are the ones I care the most about. Is that some jacked-up form of stockholm syndrome? Maybe I trust too much that people can miraculous make up for years of mistreatment or abuse of some kind. What's wrong with that? I think it might also have to do with the fact that I want to understand better why these people who couldn't care about me at all don't find me worthy of their concern. How can they turn away? I think everyone wonders why people don't care about him or her. This is natural. So I tell myself.
Two nights ago, a Chinese man and his girlfriend both told me I had a "gift." They didn't speak English that well, so it was hard for me to figure out what they meant. I think they were talking about me asking them questions, which sounds weird... I'm not really sure what they meant. It made me feel good though to be told I had a "gift" from a foreigner though. I'm such a dork.
"Sittin' at a bar on the inside... waitin' for my ride on the outside."
I like listening to people talk about what they want to do with their lives. I love watching people smile when they tell me what they plan to do to make their first million. If everyone I've ever had that conversation with follows through and is successful, I should know a fair share of millionaires by the time I'm thirty. We'll see. People who have goals they want to accomplish and high aspirations make me feel like maybe things can work out for me too. I like people around me to sound confident about the future when I'm not. It's beautiful.
I hope something wonderful happens soon.
~Emily
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| One more week of school left for this year. Freshman year has been a trip.
I'm about to start working on my western civilization essay, my French paper, and my English readings for my exams. I hate procrastination. I really do.
Last night was the last party night for me for a while. Clubbing back home, anyone? I think I'm ready to go home, take a break, and see all of the "old" people. Change is good; consistency is good as well. We'll see how the readjustment goes. I'm not sure just how much I've become different this year. You know, where I've grown or digressed...
I'll update better after these exams. Until then, I hope everyone stays safe.
~Emily
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| Yeah, so I've had an interesting week. Last night definitely hit a high spot on my list of bad experiences. It's really hard for me to realize that some people are really and truly (pardon the french, but...) assholes. I've found that the older I get, the more I have to be straightforward, almost to the point of rudeness myself in order to make people show more respect. I can't really fathom why people find it amusing to use people, to cheapen others, and to act completely jerk-faced when things don't go their way. What's wrong with the picture? I'd hate to realize one day that I had played with, manipulated negatively, or blatantly used someone. Is there no more decency?
I keep expecting people to change. I want someone to be there to make me feel guilty about myself. I want someone to look up to and hope to be someday.
I went shopping today with two of my sorority sisters. They have been far luckier recently than I have. I made a complete fool of myself last night in front of their dates... for no reason. I was upset, and I think it was apparent why. I think they understood, actually, but my problems are still no excuse to get like that.
I hope you all are having an awesome day... let's look forward!
~Emily
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| I can't seem to remain stable in anything I do. This could prove to be a huge problem.
Side Note: I heart Frank Sinatra. I think he reminds me of black and white lives... and champagne. Everything I'd always want in my head. You know, I like to listen to Sinatra when I'm cooking.
I'm beginning to think that every person at some time or another feels worthless. Are we all just striving to be necessities? Everyone approaches the solution to his worthless-ness in a different way too. Some people try to make themselves physically attractive---by dieting, working out, buying and applying insanely large amounts of make-up and topical creams, succumbing to plastic surgery, imbibing nasty protein shakes, taking stereoids, performing ritualistic "makeovers", and in some extreme cases, becoming the victim of an eating disorder. Other people cultivate a sense of intellect within themselves... constantly reading, learning, debating, thinking, putting the world in technological, scientific, or philosophical terms, and religiously involving themselves in political activism. Still others attempt to find their hidden talents. These people sing, play instruments or sports, act, dance, climb social ladders, create art, and volunteer.
I can't imagine a world without any of them.
I can see why people want to point to others and say,
"They aren't as beautiful as I am."
"They aren't as intelligent as I am."
"They aren't as gifted as I am."
To be honest, I fall with every single one of them, so I know their troubles and strengths. It's hard to make your life the product of jealousy, but that's what I've done in so many ways. I look at others and think of how horrible I am compared to them, how far I have to go before I can finally say "I AM more beautiful, intelligent, and gifted." The problem therein lies with the fact that I can never say that. It's a broken system, and we're all breaking.
~Emily
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